The shinigami redivivus
by TrunksIzayaBossKadoDRRRotaku
Summary: I was never expecting this to happen to me.Why was I reborn as a boy? How the heck could I go from being an ordinary teenage girl one second to being a freaking Gundam pilot the next? OC reincarnation, I don't believe this part of FF has had many, so I am experimenting with this. Why am I Duo Maxwell, of all people? WHY? When I said I wanted to live, I didn't mean it like this...
1. Chapter 1 Reincarnated as Duo?

**I am aware that when you click on this, you might turn the back button, thinking 'Oh no, another cheesy, cliched fic where the author inserts herself into the story, and everything goes right...not this...well, be prepared to have that turned upside down. While that formula may work for Sailor Moon or Naruto, realistically speaking it doesn't work in Gundam. Read these notes before you start: **

**-Expect this to be a more REALISTIC and down-to-earth OC, aka an OC whose past life and experiences _will_ have light shed on them in the future (she's not just a disposable person, kay?), but for now, her new life matters more and her old life will be shown in snippets that won't take up entire chapters. **

**-Also, not everything will go Alison/Duo's way, all right? Just because she is now a he and now is a Gundam pilot does _not_ give her the power to change everything that happens. Not everything will happen the same, but some things won't change. It won't be a boring rip off of the main plot, believe me. I'm willing to work a lot with this story. In accordance with how Gundam Wing works, which is that even_ with_ the help of 5 boys and their Mobile Suits, the world's problems are not instantly solved and people will still resort to war and violence, the OC who comes from another world (and just so happens to be a Gundam pilot by ACCIDENT and PURE CHANCE) will suffer just as much, lose just as much as and win just as much as any of the other characters. She will not win everything. **

**3.-Actions have consequences, and in a hard-hitting, brutal world like Gundam, it's the last kind of world you'd want to end up in. I don't want you reading this thinking how lucky Alison is. I want you thinking she's lucky she gets to live again, but she's unlucky getting to live in such a hellish environment. This isn't something you'd want to do, so it's also a deconstruction of OC self-inserts.**

**""Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself to become a new person."-Gerard Way **

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><p><strong>Chapter One How it all began, or from my world straight into hell.<strong>

Did you ever have a moment in your life happen, one of those times where you just wish you could take back what you think or what you would want to have happen? Well, for me, my life is a never-ending battle of all those things.

But what would you say if I told you that I remember things from another life, things that shouldn't be humanly, conventionally possible, but have happened to me; and that right now I'm living the life of something that seems like a joke, but isn't.

This is how I live every single day of my life, and though it may be hard to believe, it's real, it's happening right now, so please just allow me to explain myself. Allow me to introduce myself, and how I wound up in this mess to begin with. My name is...Alison...you know, at this point, so much time has passed that I can't even remember my last name anymore. Isn't that funny?

Well, my name isn't that anymore, as you can see. Now I'm a boy, and a supposedly fictitious character; I'm now Duo Maxwell. But before that happened, I suppose I can talk about who I used to be...

Well, I was an ordinary fifteen-year old girl who liked hanging out with her friends, playing sports, doing homework, going to school...the usual things teens do. You know, back when I was in a world that _didn't_ involve teens going on suicide missions, blowing things and people up and flying in outer space, didn't require me to nearly die every single day, and didn't have me being a freaking child soldier.

Yeah, I'm still a little bitter about being forced into the role of a child soldier. You can't blame me for being angry, though. Trust me, living life as a guy has changed me in so many ways it's not even funny anymore. And in some ways, I've become more mature over the course of my second life. When I was living as Alison, I was a quiet, shy girl who had enough friends to be satisfied with her life, always liked playing video games, and just was satisfied with everything.

What I was mostly interested in doing when I wasn't hanging out with my friends, playing soccer, or doing homework, was watching anime. As a matter of fact, it was something I'd done since I was a little kid. But at that time, I only watched Naruto and Bleach. It was a hobby, more than anything. As a kid, the one series I took a liking to was Gundam.

And a lot of my friends made fun of me for it because they said Gundam was a boys' show, but I had to laugh in their faces and say there were characters that could do anything and everything on there, regardless of gender. But mostly, I watched Gundam when I was really little, and by the time I was 15, I was barely even interested in it.

I was too busy with schoolwork, studying, sports, friends, Skyping, you know the usual sorts of things a teenage girl does now in the 21st century. When you're busy with real life, fiction has to take a bit of a break. I wasn't a super hardcore anime fan like some of my friends. That in itself is probably reassuring.

I remember as a kid, though, that I really liked Heero Yuy. I had a bit of a crush on him; and people made fun of me for that, but I always had this strange feeling that fictional characters were real. Everyone else made fun of me for it, but hey, it's what I believed. I was a bit of a nerd at the time.

Of course, I had parents, but they split up when I was really little and I don't really remember them well except that my mom loved me and dad never cared enough to. It wasn't like I had any major traumas in my life, so how did my life change one hundred percent, you ask? It all started when I...actually, I don't really remember how I died. I think, possibly, that I was probably hit by a car. It all happened so fast, really...

Because, you know, one second I was standing there chatting happily with one of my friends on my cell phone...I wasn't really paying attention crossing the street, and really, the last thing I remember is that of a speeding black car coming towards me, and then...everything goes black.

I'm not much of a believer in the afterlife, but I suppose I was shocked, as I lay there, dying, because there was so much I wanted to do with my life. As I felt the life draining out of me, something inside me started to ask, 'is this it? Is this the end of me? Will I die here, like this? Am I really going to die?'

Then, everything faded out to white.

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><p>You know, they say you really don't remember much of your life as a little kid and I've gotta say, I really didn't. All I knew was that I was somehow a child again, because everything was taller, my voice was higher...everything. But I don't think I was even cognizant of what was going on around me.<p>

The first thing I noticed about this new life was that my new mom and dad were _always_ busy. They never spared me a second glance and didn't give me that much parental love. I suppose you could say they were emotionally neglectful, since they fed me, changed me, etc, but I didn't learn anything from them; I had to investigate things on my own. Another thing I now understood, in such a young body, with a young, redeveloping mind, was that I was now somewhere else, away from my parents, somehow I was reincarnated, but I didn't understand how or why.

I couldn't believe that, but there were far more interesting things in the new world around me for me to notice and take in.

But I did notice strange things. For example, there were often lots of...explosions outside our house. Sometimes the whole earth would shake beneath my feet, I would hear screams of people and gunfire ensuing outside. My new parents spoke in a tongue that I didn't understand, and I didn't pick up much at the time, but some of the words they used sounded familiar.

Something about...mobile suits...and something called The Space Fleet...someone called Peacecraft. I didn't understand any of it, but it all sounded so damned familiar to me that sometimes I would lie in my bed with my eyes shut, trying to figure out what exactly it meant, where I was. It was probably around the time that I was a toddler, though, that I discovered I was no longer female and was now male. Boy, was that a shock.

I mean, it never occurred to me that I'd be reborn as a guy, but at the time, I paid it no mind. I was a young kid, growing up. I suppose if I were older, I would have thought it over more.

I adjusted, though. But it was around the time I was six that my parents ditched me. There was some sort of bombing; they gathered up their things and ignored me, and shoved me aside when I tried to ask questions. They didn't care about me. My father smiled at me and told me he would see me again later when I'd become a fine young man, and then shut the door in my face. What great parents they were, leaving a little six-year old kid at home to fend for her-no, himself, now.

Obviously, I never saw them again. I don't even consider them my parents. By that time, I knew my parents had a name for me, but I didn't understand it, in fact I don't think they noticed me enough to even give me a name.

So when did I figure out something odd was going on? Hmm...probably around the time I was running around the street. By then, I'd had a pretty good idea of who was who. I was with my newfound friends, and we'd often go and steal things from street vendors when they weren't looking, and we would lie under the sky and whisper scary stories to each other about the scary soldiers who inhabited our world, and things like OZ.

They didn't really call me by any name, not that I was aware of, anyway. I know the boy called himself Solo, and he often called me Duo, but as a little kid, I was unaware what he meant and instead thought he just called me number two because he was trying to be a smart ass. Ignorance is bliss.

_I lay there, next to Solo as he talked about his hopes and dreams. _

_"You know, one day, I wanna go up into space and fly around in a mobile suit! Wouldn't that be fun?" He said, looking at me with interested eyes. I wondered why that term sounded familiar.  
><em>

_Mobile suits? Where had I heard them before? I searched my mind and I couldn't remember. But something about this seemed oddly familiar. _

_"Hey, Duo, what's your dream? And don't you think you should cut your hair?"_

_Blinking, I remembered my hair and smiled. I had noticed that lately. Doing as he asked, I realized it had indeed grown longer. As a girl, I was used to keeping my hair long, but as a boy, I suppose it was well, different. _

_"You should tie it back in a braid or somethin'," He teased, unaware that suddenly those words made me freak out inwardly. _

_My heart suddenly jumped in my chest. Tie back in a braid? _

_"Is something wrong, number two?" He asked. _

_"N-Nothing," I lied. Wait a second...wait a fucking second...things were finally starting to come together here and I felt very, very uncomfortable. I was good at stealing things, I had the speed of a demon. _

_One day, however, I messed up bad. I was caught. There was a woman looking down at me, wearing a black and white outfit. A habit? Wait, a nun? Holy shit, where was I? Panicking, I tried to get away from her, but my tiny fingers were no match for her sharp grip. Damn it, why were kids' bodies so weak?  
><em>

_"You're an orphan with no home, aren't you?" She to phrase that in a way that doesn't sound rude in the slightest. What, did you think I was a Cinderella?  
><em>

_"Lemme go!" I said, in annoyance. She only smiled gently, because from her point of view, I looked like a mere whiny brat throwing a temper tantrum and not an angry teenager frustrated over being forced to go through a second childhood as a boy, of all things! Of course, who would ever think such a thing? _

_"I'm taking you somewhere special, boy. Your friend over there told me your name. So let's go. Father Maxwell will find you a good home, boy." _

_'Wait, Father Maxwell?' I thought mentally, but repeated the words out loud, "Father...Maxwell?" I repeated, unable to believe what I was hearing. _

_She turned to look at me, still smiling. "Yes, Father Maxwell. He's the head of this church, it's where all orphans go to find a new home. You see, since this country is very torn up by war, it's very hard for children to remain connected to their parents, so...a growing boy like you needs a good home, don't you think...Duo?"_

_I blinked. She was repeating that name again. I wanted to say Allison but that was my old name, not now. _

_"Why don't I braid back your hair? It's awfully long," She said. I whined and moaned like an ordinary kid would, but it was then and there as she sat me down and allowed me to watch her braid my hair in a mirror that I noticed my reflection for the first time in six years and my mouth fell open at what I saw. _

_My suspicions were confirmed. My hair was now brown, quite long and being braided back, and my eyes were now a blueish-violet, and on top of that, the me I saw before me wasn't me, but rather the face of the future Gundam pilot, Duo Maxwell. Suddenly the name Duo made sense, and here I was in the Maxwell church. _

_Immediately, everything made sense. The war-torn world, the Gundams. I remembered the show I'd watched...and now I was in that show, as DUO? I swallowed, trying hard to take this in. "I'm...Duo," I said, shakily..unable to believe it, but apparently the woman just thought I was homesick or something. _

_"Yes, that's your name, Duo." She said. "You're such a cute boy." _

_'How the fuck can this be possible? Why in the seven fires of hell was I Duo Maxwell? Why was I a Gundam boy? How can this be happening? Did fate have something against me? Why in the world was I in the world of Gundam?' I thought angrily, tightening my tiny fists in anger. What kind of joke was that?  
><em>

_This was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. So in a few years, I was going to see bloodshed. I was going to see all these nice people die. The nice lady who had just braided my hair for me, the Father, and the kids...were all going to die. And I would be raised by a crazy mad scientist and think of myself as a Shinigami and learn how to pilot a mobile suit._

_I was going to be a Gundam pilot, of all impossible things. That was my childhood dream as a kid, but now that I look back on it, this was never the kind of life I wanted to be born into or have. Why couldn't I be Quatre? At least he has a stable family life. _

_At least I wasn't Heero. 'But why am I Duo?' I thought, shaking slightly. _

_If there was a God up there, he must have a very cruel sense of humor, putting me in the role of Duo Maxwell and making me live his life._

_"Goddammit!" I yelled, unable to think of anything else to adequately describe my anger. _

_"Duo, no cursing in church!" She scolded. _

_"I think a shinigami brought me here," I said dryly, very annoyed at this turn of events. Now what was I to do? _


	2. Chapter 2 Tragedy strikes

**A/N:Well, it is time for the next chapter! Thank you for the nice review, snowct! I am so glad you're willing to try this fanfiction out! I guarantee, you will NOT be disappointed. I am going to do my best to make this fanfic reasonable and realistic. The OC will NOT save everyone, she is going to have to get used to living in such a harsh world, and will grow and change as an individual. Here we move a few years ahead in her life, from age seven to age twelve, and next chapter, allow the Gundam training to begin. I will have to watch Endless Waltz to get a better idea of the training Duo undergoes because I've only watched 41/49 Wing episodes and read Episode Zero. Thanks for two follows and two favorites! I appreciate it so much! Thanks for the reviews, Pinksamurai and Kumiko-chan! Your OC stories are good as well.  
><strong>

**Chapter Two Peaceful years and changes come about**

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><p>So...I was Duo Maxwell. <em>I <em>was Duo Maxwell. Here I was, surrounded by children, in a body that was not my own, in a world that was not my own. I studied myself, quite honestly baffled as I tugged at my braid. Even for a six year old, I sure had lots of hair. In a way, it allowed me to keep a link to my past life when I was female, so that was nice.

'I still can't believe I'm a boy,' I thought to myself. All the other brats were sleeping except me; it's hard for me to do so in a world like this, a world where terror and death lie at every opportunity. It was then that I found myself thinking over the other Gundam boys and what their lives must be like right now; Trowa, Wufei, Quatre, and Heero...what if there was a way I could meet them when they were little?

No, I decided against that. More than likely, I was just going to have to run into them as a teenager; I wondered what Heero was doing as well. Either he and I would get along, or else we'd be enemies. Maybe we wouldn't meet at all.

Well, Quatre had a pretty easy life, aside from his father's attitude toward mobile suits. But as strange as it seemed, I actually was kinda excited about being able to ride in a mobile suit. Maybe it was just the fact that I now had a boy's body and male feelings toward electronics, but a side of me was very, very excited at the idea of being able to be in a Gundam.

I put one hand and felt my braid again, "So this is really real," I mumbled, "And I'm really Duo now. I never thought I'd get to be in Gundam." But what must I do? Would things play out the same? Am I replacing the real Duo, or am I him now? So many questions filled my mind that I didn't have the answers to, and it was a pain thinking over them.

Eventually, I calmed down and fell asleep, dreaming of nothing in particular. But I was awoken by loud talking and soft giggles. Someone was pushing me. Was it my younger sister? Perhaps I really had dreamed all of that and I would wake up and still be me.

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><p>I felt someone else nudging me as I lay asleep, with my pillow clutched tightly in my hands. I felt someone yanking at my braid. How rude. I had the weirdest dream, I dreamt that I was Duo Maxwell...oh, wait, it wasn't a dream.<p>

"Hey, Duo, why's your hair so long?"

"Yeah, Duo, show us how your hair became so long!"

"Leave me alone," I grunted. Fifteen-year old mind or not, I was still a seven-year old kid, and I needed sleep. Couldn't these brats see that? I pulled the covers over my head, snatched my braid away from their fingers and rolled back over, cursing under my breath.

Sadly, the answer was _no. _

_"_Duo, wake up! You're acting like a girl by sleeping in late! Let's go outside and play!"

Oh yeah, I'd forgotten how annoying kids were.

"Go away, I don't want to wake up." I muttered, quite annoyed. I wish they would get the hint and leave me alone. But you know how little kids are, they're kinda selfish and they don't reason well yet, and they're a little stuck-up.

"Sister, Duo won't wake up!"

Apparently, another nun was coming in to rouse me from my slumber. Great.

"Young man, it is time to wake up. It is time for you all to wake up, eat breakfast, and get education."

'Education?' I thought, 'Oh, no, religious education. This doesn't sound so bad...'

I was wrong. Religious education was...terrible. To be honest, Sister Helen was very nice, but I was not very happy about being seven years old again, so I suppose I decided to make their lives hell in order to get back at whatever sent me here. So I played pranks along with all the other boys, for once I was just trying to have some semblance of reality.

Because I was used to being in school. But not like this, not like religious education-type stuff. It was nice to enjoy some school hijinks before everything would go to hell. I frowned as I tried to remember how old Duo was when everyone had died.

I couldn't exactly remember. But I did remember that he must have been fifteen around the time the show started. Fifteen or sixteen, which meant that he was training with the scientist for around three years, which meant that any time within the next two or three years, all these people would die. Who knew, really? It could happen faster, or slower, or maybe just the same.

'I don't want these people to die,' I thought, watching my smiling classmates and my friends goofing off. 'I really don't want them to.'

"All right everyone, who on earth decided to fill the prayer books with chewing gum and other things?"

My friends and I sat in the back, laughing at our successful prank, but we were caught.

"I didn't do anything, teacher," I said, putting on my best innocent face.

"Duo, I know full well it was you," Sister Helen said, looking at me with a stern expression on her face, "Why do you always do these sorts of things?"

I put on my best reproachful look next. "I just wanted to have fun."

"It's about learning, not having fun," She said sharply.

"The world isn't fun," I remarked, conveniently forgetting that I was a seven-year old who wasn't supposed to know that.

Her look softened. "I imagine you must have seen a lot of things as a war orphan, Duo. But the world's not that bad of a place."

If this were some world like _Sailor Moon, _I would believe her words, but since this was Gundam, I couldn't bring myself to believe her. "Do you think I could ever ride up in a mobile suit, Sister? It looks like it'd be a lot of fun!" I asked. 'And I have to, anyways,' I thought.

"Duo, the mobile suits are not fun, they are used for destruction. Father Maxwell does not believe in piloting those because they lead to war."

"But I want to, it'd be fun!" I protested, but in all truth my seven-year old mind was telling me it'd be fun. I knew all the stuff that came with it; I knew that soon I'd be blowing up others of my kind. I was just trying to enjoy the innocent days I had left before all of that would be ruined.

I thought back over the other Gundam boys once more; Heero, Trowa, Quatre, Wufei...Quatre was probably enjoying his education with his sisters, playing violin, living a normal life, while Trowa was probably toiling away in the circus, same with Heero. Had Heero always been an assassin, or were his parents gone like mine? These thoughts distracted me.

"Duo, why do you have such a serious look on your face? You look like someone much older than yourself." Sister Helen asked.

"It's just that what you told me doesn't make such sense," I said.

"The world is not an easy place, Duo. But we can ask the Lord and he will protect us from the mobile suits. They're not here to bring peace."

"I'd...like to go up to space one day," I said softly, and truthfully, I meant it. Space was beautiful, and here I was, in a time where you could fly up in space and survive. But I knew I would need training for that. A little kid like me couldn't possibly survive being up in space for too long. I'd have to be raised, and that was what the doctors had trained all of the Gundam pilots to do, including Duo-er, me, now to do.

"Duo, let's work on your studies first. You don't need to worry about such serious things."

"I only believe in the god of death," I said, half-joking, half-serious, because if there were a god that could have put me in such a cruel world, it would have to be a shinigami, and there was no doubt in my mind that all that Duo had seen and done in his life had caused him to think of himself as a shinigami, and it was a pretty accurate term.

The Father was a pretty nice guy, and I could see how anyone would like these people. They were kind and gentle people that were trying to do their best in a world so wrong and violent. I couldn't blame them for hating mobile suits and Gundams, but Duo's destiny-no, my destiny, was to be a Gundam pilot. I couldn't change that.

I loved these people, I really did. I wanted to protect them, I really wanted to, but could I?

I was getting adopted? There was no way in hell I was letting that happen. I didn't want to change his destiny in any way; I didn't want to screw around with this world any more than I already had. I slammed the door shut to the priest's office and stomped inside.

"Sister Helen, I'm not getting adopted. I like being here with you! I don't want to leave!"

"Duo, these people are very nice."

"I don't trust them," I snapped. The way the one man had been looking at me sent chills of fear down my spine. She patted my head.

"It's all right. You'll do just fine, I promise. We investigate all these people before they adopt children."

I knew I didn't have a choice. The next day, I was sent away with the new family. They seemed nice enough at first. They sent me off with a smile, thinking it'd be the best thing for me, but I knew something was wrong with them.

Sure enough, it turns out that they didn't just adopt me out of the kindness of their hearts. The man of the house seemed nice until we were alone, then he showed his true intentions.

"All right, kid, stay still. We're going to sell you into OZ. I heard they're looking for young children to pilot mobile suits. You'll be a casualty of war and it'll be much easier for the common people to sympathize with you. Won't that be a nice way to be remembered?"

Duo Maxwell's destiny wasn't to be some pathetic child slave. On top of that, being with that corporation, the one that in the series had caused so much death and destruction? There was no way I was going there. I did the only thing I could do: I fought back, and attacked the man, punching and kicking him. He tried to stop me by hitting me, but I had gotten to be pretty strong, fighting on the streets, and I took off, back to the Maxwell church, with only a few bruises and some sprains on my side.

That was only to be the first of many near-death encounters I would have, as a little child. Already, I was learning the hard way that while I was no longer a female, and didn't have to deal with shopping, high school gossip, wearing bras, pregnancy, and menstrual cycles, that being a boy was already proving itself to be a _thousand times harder _than I'd ever imagined possible.

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><p>First of all, the children could be ruthless towards boys who cried or showed emotions that weren't deemed appropriate for boys to possess; so I tried hard never to cry. So I wound up picking fights with a lot of the brats and beating them up. Let me tell you something, suddenly I wasn't so happy about being a child anymore. Suddenly I wanted to grow up and get this life over with, because kids were ruthless. It was one thing I'd forgotten.<p>

"Hey, Duo, with your hair braided like that, you look too much like a girl! You're such a sissy!"

"Duo, why don't your punches hurt more? You fight like a girl, you know that?"

I tried hard to ignore them, I really did, but there were times where my temper got the best of me and I wound up kicking the crap out of the little cowards. Boys were vicious, I knew that. Girls would just resort to gossip, but with boys, boys were merciless physically and emotionally. The second they saw a boy with a weakness, they'd pick it apart.

I really did try, but I was known as a problem child. In the end, I guess I'd always be destined to resort to violence; this wasn't the kind world I'd grown up in. This world was just cruel, and I'd have to resort to it to survive.

I officially started learning how to read the Bible and other holy books. That part of my life wasn't so bad, and the praying almost helped me to deal with the fact that my life was only going to get worse before it got better. Before I knew it, one year had passed, and then another. Before I knew it, I was nine years old.

I never thought the years would pass by so quickly, but they did. And then they were here. The terrorists. My heart froze in my chest as everything from the manga that I'd read came true. The children were held hostage; all of us were while they screamed and shouted at us and kicked and beat the children and the nuns who tried to stop them.

I knew I had to do something, but I was frozen in fear. I couldn't move, I couldn't get myself to do anything, I was scared, but I couldn't be. I wouldn't be. I refused to just be afraid. I refused to be like that. I didn't want this at all. It was whenever Sister Helen got attacked that I lost it.

"Someone give us a mobile suit!" They demanded, "Or else we'll blow the shit out of this place and kill all you whiny little brats."

I knew I had to do it, I had to step up and fulfill the role that had been given to me. "_I'll give _you a mobile suit, so _stop hurting them!" _I cried. Instantly, what I got was a kick to the side and they stepped on my leg and pinned me down.

"Are you sure you won't go blabbing to the police about us, kid?" They said, beating me, and man did it hurt. Everything freaking hurt...so badly. I was bleeding...but that was nothing compared to how badly everyone else was hurting. I could feel it. This pain, it was insane.

"I'll do whatever the hell you _bastards _want me to do, just leave _them _out of this," I growled.

"Duo, no!" Sister Helen cried out.

Suddenly, I didn't feel like I was part of the script anymore. I realized that this was real, and I couldn't afford to die. I had been given a second chance at life, so no matter what happened, I should stop acting like this was all just an act. This was no longer a work of fiction, this was _reality. _I had to do this, I had to.

I could feel determination pumping through my veins as I fled, feeling all the anger and hate bubble up in me. I used my skills I'd learned out on the street to try and steal. But stealing a mobile suit was harder than I thought. I mean, the tv show made it look so easy, but it was harder because I was still a little child, so I couldn't control it very well. There wasn't much I could do, but if it was for the sake of protecting someone, then I would do whatever I could.

I came back with the mobile suit, maybe now things would change. Maybe then, nothing bad would happen. Maybe I would get to actually live a happy life. I smiled as I brought back the mobile suit. But then my look turned to horror when I saw what was before me.

There was nothing left of the church, it was just a big, black smudge. The smell of smoke and fire filled my nostrils. I couldn't see any sign of the children. I knew then that they were dead. There was nothing. Everyone was gone. The terrorists had left. Everywhere I looked, I saw dead people.

There were the children that bullied me; sure, I'd beaten them up, but I didn't want them dead, I would never have wished this upon them, but now they were dead. My friends were dead.

"Why?" I allowed myself to say, "Why...was I so foolish? Why couldn't I save them...?"

"Duo..." A weak voice whispered. I turned my head instantly, in time to see Sister Helen looking at me weakly.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Father...fought bravely until the end," She whispered, "Don't blame us, and don't blame yourself, Duo. We were just casualties of war..."

"It's the shinigami's fault! He stole you guys away!" I cried, as my eyes spilled over with tears. Despite the fact that I told myself that I shouldn't get sad, shouldn't feel it, I did. I wept as she died.

I let all my raw pain and sadness out. I don't know how long I sat there, crying, until I told myself it was time to survive. I stood up, wiping tears away from my face. I was now nine; I could do this, I could survive for the next three years until I was found.

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><p>This world may be cruel, but I would do my best to endure it until the end. If that's what it meant to be a Gundam pilot, I would do it. And that's just what I did. I stopped being 'nice.' I had to play dirty in a world like this.<p>

One day, however, I ran across someone I didn't expect to run into, of all people; a young Heero. I was just walking along, trying to do more dirty work for some people, when I collided with someone.

"Sorry," I said briefly, but my eyes widened as I realized _who_ it was. He just looked at me in boredom and didn't say anything.

"Aren't you unfriendly?" I said sarcastically.

Heero seemed irritated by that. "Who do you think you're talking to?" He spat. Man, wasn't he such a nice, friendly guy?

I gritted my teeth in frustration. "You, of course, Mr. I'm-too-good-to-talk-to-anyone." I said, being the brat that I was.

Instantly, he looked like he wanted to punch me but thought better of it and walked away. And that was all to our first encounter. The Gundam boys wouldn't meet until years later, anyway.

And then I ran into Doctor G. It was an accident, really. I didn't know I'd be stealing from him and wind up on his ship. But it was my first time in outer space, and I was totally awed by it. By that time, I was twelve, and by that time, I was finally starting to understand what it meant to be a soldier.

"You are quite clever to sneak on my ship, boy." He said in approval, looking me up and down.

"Yeah, well, it was a piece of cake! Your security's lousy!" I said sarcastically. Boy, was I becoming quite a brat.

"I like your spirit, kid. Say, would you be interested in working with me?"

"Working with you?" I said.

"How about I teach you how to fight and be a soldier?"

Here it was: I knew the years afterward would not be easy. I knew I'd be put in more life-threatening situations; I'd gotten myself into this mess somehow and I had to fix it. And besides, maybe I'd even started to think of some of this as being fun.

"My name's Duo Maxwell! Or you can just call me the God of death. Sure, I'll take you up on it!" I said confidently, though inwardly I knew I was making the mistake of my life, but hey what else did I have to do?

**Wow, this chapter was tough to write. And the 'I wanted to protect them' is kinda a quote from Pandora Hearts. Boy, I'm gonna have to read up on what kinds of things soldiers go through in order to write the next several chapters. I plan on spending some time going over what Duo/Allison goes through in her new life and what kinds of training she has to do. She's already gotten shit dumped on her. And it's just gonna get worse.**


	3. Chapter 3 Training begins

**A/N:Time for the next chapter~she's going to undergo a lot of rough things before she will become truly strong, but she will prevail. Our OC is not the type to give up easily. I'm glad you haven't passed this story by with the expression of 'OH, IT'S AN OC, AVOID IT LIKE THE WIND!' Fanfiction always manages to cheer me up somehow, especially when on other sites, people have been so cruel. And don't worry, Alison/Duo will not have an easy life. He/she will learn the hard way. And maybe a look at some of the Gundam Boys' lives before they meet each other. If there's something I get wrong, feel free to tell me. Enjoy the story, and flamers can go leave this page. **

**"I could well imagine that I might have lived in former centuries and there encountered questions in was not yet able to answer; that I had to be born again because I had not fulfilled the task that was given to me."**

**- Carl Jung, **

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><p><strong>Chapter Three Training begins<strong>

Boy, was I excited about this; this was the very freaking moment I had been living all of my twelve years of existence for. It was the day where all of my fun would end and three, painful grueling years of torture would begin. Okay, I'm being melodramatic, but really, whenever someone is in a world like this, do you expect them to not be that way?

Back when I was in school, I was a quiet girl who barely talked, but I had a snarky and sarcastic tongue that often got me in trouble and landed me in the principal's office a lot in elementary school, but it seemed like I still kept it, even as Duo. Fortunately for me, it was very in character for Duo to act like that, so I was in luck.

I mean, could you imagine _Heero cracking jokes like _Duo does? I think it'd be the end of the world, frankly speaking. Everybody'd be looking at him like he was nuts, but at any rate, I knew I'd practically sentenced myself to fate and I'd resigned myself to whatever came my way.

Doctor G seemed like a pretty cool guy, aside from wanting me to be the child soldier who would be willing to give up his life to protect space thing. Aside from that, he was a pretty cool dude. But one of the coolest things about being on a spaceship, was well, the view of outer space.

I mean, back in my other life, space was mostly stuff you read about online, saw pictures of, and saw NASA people on the moon, wearing those big tight suits. And that was it. But never did I even dream that I would live to see the day where you could see it right outside your window. It was totally mesmerizing and fascinating, that much was for sure.

"Space is beautiful, isn't it?" Doctor G said.

I nodded my head. "Yeah, it really is."

"Imagine, living down on the earth and not being able to see the beauty that the colonies see."

Oh yeah, here it comes...I swallowed, preparing myself for the inevitable. If this was Gundam, it was probably going to be another preachy speech about the importance of protecting the universe. I was right.

"Well, your training will begin tomorrow. I will be teaching you how to do many things. Eventually, you will be learning how to pilot a Gundam."

My heart leapt in my throat at that. For some reason, I was practically _itching _to get in a Gundam. I don't know if it was because I had male hormones in my body, or if it's because of the fact that boys are just so enthusiastic over electronics, or what, but a part of me was dying to get in it.

You know, my childhood dream as a girl was to get in a Gundam. But, my mind reminded me, you'll be destroying lots of innocent soldiers who are just doing their jobs, and depriving their loved ones of husbands, and children of their fathers.

'Yeah, I know that,' I told myself, 'It's a risk I'm willing to take. I've survived twelve years of this life, I'm sure I can survive the rest.'

It wasn't like there were _too _many risks. I could survive, get captured, tortured for information, brainwashed into being a soldier for OZ, get sold into slavery, killed, left out to die in space...wait, what was the last part he just said?

"I will also be teaching you how to fight in space. I will teach you how to hack through security systems, how to breach security, how to control explosives, how to fire guns. Are you ready to take on those challenges?" He said.

'Hold on, hold on, hold on!' I said mentally, 'I'm only a twelve-year old!' But I sucked it up. I had to face the consequences. I had to face reality. That was what I swore to myself on the day I'd seen Sister Helen and all the others killed; that I would stop pretending this was all just some work of fiction, that I would stop pretending it was just a game. I couldn't run away anymore.

"Sure thing, I'm prepared to do it anytime!" I said. But inside, I was wondering if I'd made the biggest mistake of my life. For starters, you wanna know what the Doctor's idea of a good time was? Having me do like 20 or 30 situps. And he had me do the same things over and over, until my muscles hurt. It was times like this I was glad I had a male body and not a female body.

But the part about shooting guns was actually pretty cool. But if my old parents were around, they'd probably have a heart attack upon seeing me using weapons. It was at times like this, while I was suffering through grueling training, that I had to wonder whether any of the other Gundam boys were going through this. And my mind kept on traveling back to Heero for some strange reason.

Yes, Heero had been the boy I'd had a crush on as a girl. 'But wait...now I'm a guy,' I thought, 'So, if I'm a guy now and I had a crush on Heero when I was a girl, does that make me...gay? Pssh...those thoughts are creepy...'

I shook them off. Right, right, focus on protecting the colonies, that's all that mattered! This old dude seemed _very _obsessed with the colonies, in fact almost all the time he spoke about this stuff. It was like being in a cult, it was majorly creepy. But hey, at least I wasn't sleeping on the streets, and I knew well this would help save the universe, and I had to accept whatever was dealt to me.

Also, one day the doctor told me stuff that really surprised me. I was doing training like usual, when he interrupted me.

"Duo, I did a bit of intel on your past."

I looked up at him, not really expecting this.

"About your biological parents...it seems to me that they were killed by Oz. They were doing some illegal things and it seems they got executed."

I nodded my head, my ponytail swaying a little. "Yeah, I figured as much." Besides, from the time I was born, I had already noticed that my parents wanted nothing to do with me and snuck around and did stuff. And oh man, the irony of this. It was too much to take!

Was he really expecting me to become angry over this and swear vengeance on the organization that killed my parents? Who did he think I was, Batman? No way.

"The shinigami just got 'em, that's all," I said.

"Yes, that's what you shall be. You shall be a shinigami to Oz. You shall strike them down before they can even see what's coming."

* * *

><p>Sometimes, Doctor G <em>really<em> creeped me out, and it was too bad I didn't have anyone to talk to about him. I just had to repress all my feelings inside myself. You know, at the beginning of the training, I was really determined that I wouldn't hurt anyone. But, people change over the years, and my being raised in a war-torn world was no exception. You could clearly say that by the time I was twelve or thirteen, I'd clearly accepted that death was a part of life, and that I had to give out death as much as death was slammed onto me.

That was the way of this world and nothing I said would change it, so I just had to deal with it.

"You've got very good endurance and speed."

Well, I'd always been good at stealing things in order to stay alive. Survival makes you do crazy things, and staying alive was one of them, to the point where I'd even do illicit things that in another life I would have said no to.

"However, Duo, there is one thing that troubles me."

"What's that?" I said, being defiant like a usual thirteen-year-old would be.

"You lack the willingness to kill, and that's troublesome."

Of course, because wasn't it just fine and dandy to go around shooting people like there was no tomorrow?

"OZ will kill you before you have a chance to react. Do you really want all those colonies to be destroyed down there?"

I shook my head. Definitely not, because all those people down there were innocents who had no idea what they were getting into.

"Think of those who died protecting you, Duo. Think of all the hatred and anger you felt back then allow yourself to build upon it."

I swallowed, and closed my eyes, allowing myself to think hard on Sister Helen and how she had died, then on Father Maxwell and all the other orphans who'd died and then all the people I'd killed to survive. I allowed myself to focus on these thoughts, trying hard to wield them, to shape them into something tangible. I held the cold metal of the gun in my hands, and then squeezed, pulling on the trigger.

I missed.

"You're getting better at this," He said, which I suppose was his way of a compliment, "Now practice this for the next three hours."

'What?' So I pulled the trigger until my arms were sore. Let's just say my fingers were numb for another three hours until I got them to work again. Yeah, life as Duo Maxwell the shinigami was great, sarcastic. But I guess I got used to it.

It was at times like this I wondered how I even liked Heero to begin with. The guy was a jerk. Wait a second, had I made an enemy of Heero? That was not a good thing, but at the same time, I couldn't help but be amused, thinking of how he might react the next time we met. Was he going to glare at me or try to kill me? For some reason, the thought made me excited, which scared me.

It was obvious. My personality was changing and that in itself was a terrifying feeling.

"You have improved indeed, Duo," He said, "Your shots are more on target. You have done very well. I'm proud of you."

Overall, training sucked, but I was getting used to it. I mean, it'd been nearly a year since I started doing it. However, he told me that soon he's going to have me test out the mobile suit. I can't help but feel excited upon hearing those words. Finally, I was going to try it. Finally. I couldn't believe it. I could...do this. I knew I could.

Just you wait, fate, because I was determined to not give up. Maybe it was, like I said before, the result of being in a boy's body, but I was going to be a Gundam pilot. I was going to survive and make the best of my new life. And in the end, perhaps I do have the fire of a Gundam boy burning in me.

It's a strange feeling, but it's energizing, and in the end, you want more of it. You just can't stop. I didn't understand it at all why I had been brought here. Why I had been turned into Duo Maxwell and put into this cruel world. But finally, I understood. It was...it was because I hadn't understood the worth of life. Even when I had been alive as a girl, I kinda treated life like it was nothing but a joke.

Now I could. Now I understood exactly what I had to do. Survival came firsthand. For me, anyway. And I'd be trying out the Gundam in a few weeks. That night, as I lay on my bed, I thought about all the changes my body was going through. Puberty was doing its thing, I was getting taller.

* * *

><p>Definitely male puberty was different than female puberty was, and I was getting quite a lot of muscle on me. It was strange to say this, but I was kinda starting to forget what it was like being a girl, after so many years of being a boy, you just kinda forget.<p>

I wondered what all the others were doing. Probably they thought the same as me, they thought they were the only Gundam pilots around. Living that kind of life was insane. Hell, but I was insane the moment I stepped in this world. I just had to take the role that had been given to me and go with it.

Those were the last thoughts I had before I closed my eyes and fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4 The unreachable bridge of past

**A/N:I think this chapter will focus on some of the other wing boys, like Quatre, Wufei, Trowa, and Heero, before it goes back to Duo/Alison. And also, I think I'm going to write some of her past life memories in here as well, because her past matters as much as her new life does. I still need to research more of the military training; (Full Metal Jacket does not count as real proof of military exercises and stuff) I think I might watch a documentary or something to get a better idea of what training the Wing boys have to undergo. This chapter will be a bit longer than usual, and some canon things might be changed. I hope you enjoy it and please...**_**REVIEW. **_

**""We are forlorn like children, and experienced like old men, we are crude and sorrowful and superficial—I believe we are lost."**

― **Erich Maria Remarque, All Quiet on the Western Front a classic book that all people should read., from (check them out, they have great quotes on things)**

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><p><strong>Chapter Four The unreachable bridge of the past<strong>

That night, I had a few haunting dreams that I cannot forget about easily, even if I wanted to. I dreamed, first, that I was in my old house, and I could see my parents fighting; and I could see a younger version of my old self, watching from the bedroom window, her hands behind her back, wondering what she'd done wrong to deserve these kinds of parents.

I could hear their arguing voices even now. I briefly wondered why on earth I wasn't my old self in this dream, but gave up trying to ruminate on that, because dreams are quite odd and strange things that sometimes even science can't explain. (I wonder what Doctor G's reaction would be if he heard me say that.)

"Why don't you look after Alison? You hardly, if ever see her! Why don't you act like a decent father and show up _once_ in a while, instead of cheating on me with that girlfriend of yours?"

"Honey, I'm not cheating on you with anyone! Besides, she's only eight years old, it's not like it really matters to her!"

"I can't believe you'd act like this! I honestly can't believe you'd act like such an immature jerk. This is our daughter you're talking about! Her future development could be affected by this! You know, she could even wind up having some serious mental problems because of this! Don't you care?" My mother sounds like she always did, harsh yet caring. She truly did love me, I know this, but still, arguing where a child can hear is not always the best thing to do.

"Actually, sometimes I don't even think that daughter of ours is even human."

"Of course she is, you're just being a jackass like usual!" And so it continues.

It was then that I saw that my old self had moved from her position at the bedroom window and was instead seated on the bed, crying hysterically. It was then that I started remembering what my old life had been like. I felt a glimmer of sadness go through me; I reached out with trembling fingers, trying to touch my old self, but I went right through her as she lay there, sobbing.

I was just _watching _over the old events of my past life, like a stranger watching scenes from an old movie play out before their eyes. It was eye-opening to me, to realize that my past was fading away; it was going away. True, it was still an important part of who I was, but I was starting to think of myself more and more as Duo Maxwell now, and less as Alison. When I tried, I barely even remembered what colors I liked, what books I liked, what my favorite kind of food was, what my best friends' names were.

I couldn't remember any of it. It all felt like it happened to some stranger, it was fading away really fast and that bothered me. It really did.

"Dammit, is this really what's happening to me?" I mumbled.

It was then that I saw another memory; my eight-year old self crying whenever my father walked out the door and never came back. If I thought hard, I could recall all the nights I spent at home alone, crying, begging for my father to come back home, but he never did. And you know, it was probably why, in this new life as a boy, that I wasn't troubled or bothered that my parents walked out on me-I was used to it.

Was it odd that I suddenly felt the urge to cry, that I suddenly felt like I should be sad that my old life was playing itself out before my eyes and I couldn't do anything about it? But for some reason, my eyes were dry; there were no tears produced. They were like phantoms of the past, nagging me about something I could never reclaim.

No matter how often I wished to myself that I could escape and just be an ordinary girl, it never came back, and that struck me. I had everything I could ever want back then. I had a loving mother and relatives, I'd had a home to return to, I didn't have to spend all my time killing people and fight; I didn't have to do things that soldiers would do.

My dreams ended there, and then they cut to the next memory I had, one from this life.

_I glared at my reflection in the mirror. "Why am I Duo, of all people?" I moaned. I waved my hands in front of the mirror and made faces, trying to figure out whether or not this was a dream. It was bad enough that I was a little kid, but why did I have to be Duo, of all things? _

_Each time, of course, my reflection would imitate me. IT was obvious that this was no dream, but sadly, reality. _

_Suddenly, I had a mental image of Quatre. What was it called again, the thing that he used to read the mind of space? The heart of space, or something...I tried to think back on the TV show and found that I couldn't really remember it. Well, I guess that means everything will come as a surprise to me. _

I awoke early the next morning to the professor waking me up early. His way of waking me up was seeing if I could jump out of bed fast enough in case something were to happen. Yeah, nice guy. Well, I'd gotten used to this sort of treatment early on, so it wasn't like I was surprised at this point.

By now I'd grown used to this sort of treatment from him, so I proved myself by jumping off the bed and landing on my feet.

"Very good reflexes, Duo. I'm very confident that you will be able to wield my new project. It's called a Gundam."

"A Gundam?" I said, feigning ignorance.

"It's made out of Gundanium alloy. It'll be just right for you."

'Of course it would be,' I thought. 'This _has_ to be my destiny. I'm supposed to be a Gundam pilot.'

After that, he had me fire a few rounds with a gun. Apparently, my aim wasn't perfect, but it was improving considerably. It was one thing reacting to things on television, but it was another thing entirely to be living them out. As I thought back over this stuff, my mind couldn't help but go back again to the other Wing boys. What were their lives like right now, I thought, as I was practicing my training?

Was their life full of as much chaos as my own, or were they making it out just fine? Were they questioning their own sanity like I was?

I decided to broach the question to the professor one day, see if I could change things up a little for the Gundam boys. It was kinda sneaky of me, but I was curious all the same.

"Hey, old man," I said lazily.

"Yes, Duo, what is it?" He said, not looking up from his work. Typical.

"Are there others like me? What I'm trying to say is, are there other Gundam boys like me, trainin' and stuff?"

A look darted across his face for a moment. "Yes, there are. Maybe you'll meet them sometime."

"What are their names?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm sure you'll meet them in the future."

That was his way of saying, 'I'll never tell you unless I die.' I resisted the urge to smack him and just cursed mentally. So much for my trying to change destiny, it looks like I couldn't. I was just resigned to trying as hard as I could to just work with what I had. He was also teaching me how to survive out in space.

And it was true, but it was also scary to envision myself doing things that adults should be doing. I mean, seriously, sending five boys out in meteors down on the earth to accomplish something that should really be resolved by adults? The whole thing just screamed irresponsible.

But I don't think the old man would believe me if I were to tell him that I'd seen this life play itself out before in a TV show. He wouldn't believe me. However, he did make a few disparaging remarks about my hair before, which kinda ticked me off.

"Hey, Duo, shouldn't you cut your hair?"

"Never, my hair is like a part of me!" I cried. In truth, I just wanted to keep a link to the time when I was a girl. I didn't want to lose those feelings, those memories. I wanted to use them to make myself stronger, but at the same time, was I holding myself back? At times like this, I'd ask myself these questions when I was lying in bed. I thought of easier times, but then forcefully reminded myself that nothing in this world, in this universe was easy.

But you know, maybe I was being too naive. At that time, I was a thirteen-year old boy; I'd pretty much grown used to the whole being a boy thing; my thoughts drifted over to the girl that Duo met and fell in love with, Hilde. Would I be attracted to her? Would _I? _A part of myself still thought of me as female. It was kinda awkward.

'I wonder what Relena will be like,' I thought. From what I remembered, she had a _huge _Heero complex. Ha? Get it, I made a joke. _Heeeeroooo _complex. Yeah, Heero and I were gonna get along so well, weren't we? Given that I kinda made him _hate _me in the past, I wondered how exactly things were gonna play out.

For some reason, I felt a strange dread that I couldn't exactly explain.

"Are you eager to test out the Gundam?" He asked, "It is my prized invention."

I nodded my head eagerly. Actually, yes, I was eager to try it out. Just to see why on earth people got so excited over it, because you know, barely anyone in this series knew what the fuck a Gundam was besides the Gundam boys and the scientists.

I could feel my heart skipping in joy. And I was really excited. Apparently, he was eager to show me this device as soon as possible, too. And also, I was to go on another mission soon. Apparently, I was going to kill some soldiers doing their jobs.

'But this is war,' Part of my mind reminded me, 'And in this life, you're fighting for a better tomorrow, or something.'

"But then that sounds like something Heero would say," I mumbled. Ooh, creepy. I was sounding like Heero now. Not good.

I had changed so much that I would now do things that my parents would scream bloody murder at. But times had changed. I wasn't Alison anymore, I was Duo Maxwell, it was time for me to stop whining and just buckle down and do my job.

Still, a part of me wondered whether I'd have been better off if I'd wound up in Sailor Moon.

At first, the missions the old man sent me on were pretty simple, like steal stuff and bring it back, etc, etc. But eventually it got more and more complex, until the very _first _time I'd shot someone to death. Sure, I'd gotten into scuffles with people on the street, and I'd seen people die before my eyes, but never had I really pulled the trigger and killed someone.

I still remember the situation, too. I think the person was just nuts and snapped after an agreement was reached, and he called me a brat and was trying to beat me up, which I dodged. I kept on trying to tell them to knock it off, but it was obvious to me by then that they were beyond redemption.

"You damned kid, I'm gonna kill you!" He cried as he spat in my face, kicking me and the like.

Cursing, I fought back, but of course, since I was still a kid, he had the upper advantage physically. 'No, I don't want to die at age 13, not two years before I died in my past life!'

'I want to live,' Came the sudden thought erupting through my body. 'I want to live.' A strange feeling overtook me then. My hand reached out for the gun I had, and instinctively, I grabbed it and forced myself to my feet.

"Hey, calm down," I said, my voice shaking. I was obviously afraid, yet I tried not to show it. "We can talk this over, or we can get dirty..."

"Hand me the stuff, you stupid kid, or else I'll kill ya!" He was obviously insane.

My fingers shook as I held the gun. Shooting a target in practice was one thing, but shooting another person was a whole new ballfield. He stepped towards me, and lunged at me. He was aiming to kill. I had no choice. I took a deep breath and wrapped my fingers around the trigger, and then a gunshot rang out.

I found myself staring at the limp corpse of the man as blood trailed out from under him.

"Did I...do this?" I muttered, feeling my hands shake. "Well, he was trying to kill me..." I rationalized, "So he did deserve this, right? And I am the God of Death now."

But by now, I supposed I was used to telling myself that people would die, but this was the first time that blood was on my hands. Blood of someone whose life I had taken. And of course the professor acted like nothing was wrong.

"Well, how was that?" He asked me.

"It had to be done. He was working with the enemy and he had to die," I stated bluntly, which was the correct thing to say. And actually I felt a small bit of satisfaction rise up in me. He had been killed by a kid, the very same kid he'd tried to kill. I felt a laugh bubble up in me, but I held it back. I didn't cry, instead I felt absolutely nothing for this man's death. A small part of me was satisfied that he'd died, because he was trying to get in the way of protecting space.

But I couldn't shake off the feelings of disgust I held with myself. Even if he was trying to kill me, what made me have the right to take someone's life? I was just as bad as OZ.

"Duo, bury your feelings." He ordered. And reluctantly, I did so, and before I knew it, I found myself going on mission after mission, hunting person after person, until eventually the soldiers didn't matter. They were just statistics to the world, they were faceless mooks that got what they deserved. And sometimes, I even felt proud of myself. When you grow up with death all the time, it's hard not to think of him as a companion.

"You're getting very good at this, Duo," He said to me.

I smirked. By now, I'd gotten used to the idea of being a child soldier. But no matter how many times a disgruntled teenage girl was going to complain about her life, it was not going to change. So the least I could do was sit back and let fate do its work. I'd already been kidnapped, traumatized, nearly tortured, forced to kill a dozen times, so what else could be worse?

Actually, being a boy wasn't so bad once I got used to it.

"Now, allow me to show you the Gundam," He said to me, a few weeks later.

"What's its name?" I asked, though I already knew _that. _

"It's Deathscythe, it fits you because you're a God of Death."

I couldn't help but let out the child-like awe as I stared at the wonder before my eyes. It was so much better than the TV had shown it as. It's childish, I know, to be awed by a machine of destruction. But whenever someone sees that kind of thing in their life, you just know you've gotta try it.

"It's amazing," I said, and this thing was just for me. Wow.

-Meanwhile, elsewhere...-

"What have I told you before about the Mobile suits, Quatre? Stop dreaming! The mobile suits will never bring peace!"

"You're wrong, Father!" A quiet, but angry voice snapped. It belonged to that of a teenager with blue eyes that were filled with barely suppressed anger as he stared at his father. Why couldn't his father see what he was trying to say? Rashid and the other Maguanacs had shown him that he could use the Gundam to bring about peace for the world! He could!

The professor had also told him there were four other boys who were also like him. What were their lives like?

"Nonsense, I don't want to hear this. You are going to continue your schooling and act like a normal boy!"

"But I can't act like a normal boy when the fate of the world is at stake!" He said, "I've gotta make them see reason. They can't fight."

"That is the spirit. But you cannot use Gundams to achieve that, Quatre. What would your mother think?"

"She wouldn't think anything, seeing as I'm artificial!" Quatre screamed, before storming out the door. One of his sisters watched in concern.

"Quatre!" His father cried, but he was already gone.

"He doesn't understand. Honestly, he keeps on protecting me like this, and it won't end well. I need to fight," He mumbled to himself, "I can feel it...the heart of space, it's really, really hurting. But somehow, I can tell that there are others out there like me, who've felt hatred, pain and sorrow."

He thought he could see a lonely black-haired boy grieving over his fiancee, wondering why on earth he had to go through this torture; he could see a brown-haired boy with green eyes working hard in the circus, one who was gentle yet cruel. He could also see others in pain, even if he didn't know them.

He saw a brown-haired boy with grey eyes shooting someone down with seemingly no remorse, yet if they looked close, they could see the pain in his eyes. Then he saw the final one. A brown-haired boy with purple eyes shooting someone, doing it with a big cheery grin on his face.

"For some reason, it feels like I know these people. I know them, and yet I don't."

A name came to his mind. 'Duo.'

Duo? What kind of name was that?

"Duo, you're not alone," He muttered, "Somehow I know we'll meet."

He just knew that they were the Gundam pilots. They all thought they were alone.

'I would like to get to know all of you. You're not alone. We all aren't alone.'

"What's wrong, Heero?" Doctor J asked, studying the brown-haired teen, who had stopped typing for a moment and looked up for some reason.

"It's nothing," Heero said, "I just thought for a few moments, that someone was thinking about me."

Then came the day I unknowingly changed fate in a big way. It was also the first week I was handling the Gundam. In fact, I hadn't been out on land for so long that being on land felt weird.

"Not the same as space," I muttered, "For some reason, I really miss it now."

I didn't really miss the lack of gravity. I was just sitting on a park bench, casually trying to figure out what to do next. I had the day off. It was then that I noticed a person who was walking. A very familiar one. A blond with blue eyes who was sulking.

"Father doesn't understand me, no one does."

Uh-oh. Was that Quatre Winner? My breath caught in my throat and I suppose he must have noticed me, because he turned and saw me sitting there.

"Who are you?" He asked.

I didn't say anything. "I'm sorry, I've gotta get going. I'm late." I lied.

"Wait," He said.

But I didn't want to face Quatre. Not now. It wasn't the time.

"Why are you running away from me?" He asked. Damn, why was Quatre so fast? It was annoying. I cursed myself, knowing I couldn't hide from him. I was trying to hide from the nicest man in the world.

Damn whatever put me in this stupid body, in this stupid world! Couldn't I just have a normal life?

"What's your name?" He said, sitting beside me. I scooted away, not really interested. "Mine's Quatre."

"I'm...Duo," I said blankly. What if fate decided to curse me for this?

"How old are you? I'm thirteen."

"I'm thirteen, too," I said.

"I know you," He said suddenly, "You look like you weren't used to gravity. Are you possibly like me?"

"Huh?" That caused me to look at him for a few moments. "What do you mean?"

But his last words were unheard.

"Are you a Gund-"

"Master Quatre!"

A tall, brown-haired man appeared. He looked at me.

"Are you someone who wishes to do Master Quatre harm?" He said.

"No, definitely not. I'd best be goin' now," I said. Things had already gotten awkward enough with the way Quatre was staring at me. It kinda creeped me out.

"I know that you're just like me, Duo! See you again, up in outer space!" He said, as he walked off, leaving me with a gaping mouth.

"How the hell...did he know that? Oh, wait, Quatre can read minds...Dammit!" I cursed. So much for staying undercover.

"Old man, I ran into a weird person today," I said, folding my hands together and sulking. "Another Gundam pilot...He was a blond."

"Oh, that'd be Quatre. He's a nice boy. I think you two would get along."

'I hate that he can read my mind. It's so annoying.'

A new thought hit my mind.

'What if he was to know that I was a girl originally? That would NOT be good.'

Wait, Quatre could only read feelings. That was good.

Quatre leaned on his bed, staring up at the ceiling.

"Duo, you're a nice person, aren't you? You're just like me...let's meet again sometime..."


	5. Chapter 5 Quarrels with Father

**A/N:Woohoo, we're one chapter away from the canon plot! Yay! Expect things to get dicey in this chapter with the risks Alison/Duo is taking. Different things will happen in this, so be prepared for some more of Quatre's POV and maybe some more of Trowa and Wufei! :D This is a fun fanfic and I love writing it. But it will be serious, and now we're gonna focus on the character everyone loves to hate, Relena. She's an important character who I'm not gonna exclude. **

**"Some things you must always be unable to bear. Some things you must never stop refusing to bear. Injustice and outrage and dishonor and shame. No matter how young you are or how old you have got. Not for kudos and not for cash: your picture in the paper nor money in the back either. Just refuse to bear them." **

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><p><strong>Chapter Five Time waits for no man<strong>

Well, my life as a trained soldier was going as-well, as well as it could be, flying around through space and blowing the shit out of people, and murdering innocent human beings. Yeah, wasn't that fun stuff? Let me tell ya something, it was hard not to get depressed with my life, but I had long since buried my tears and instead traded it for something better: survival instincts.

Today, however, had not been such a fortuitous day. I had just been out running a few checks on some stations for OZ (apparently I needed to go use Deathscythe again and destroy a few harmful things that could ruin earth and space, or such was the usual bullshit that came out of the Professor's mouth. You know, there were times when I could actually say that he made sense. This world I'd landed myself in was a fucked-up, pretty bad place, and fixing it would take a hell of a lot of insane work.

But forcing five children to take on the task? Children? That was just freaking low and you can imagine how being a child soldier really affects both my sanity and my self-esteem. There were some nights where I'd think over what I'd done and wondered if I had any right to be proud over it or to feel so empty inside. Then I couldn't come up with anything at all to counteract that.

It was like my own mind was attacking me sometimes. Which brings me back to the current situation; so things were supposed to be smooth sailing. Get in, get out, report back on OZ and if necessary, kill or mow down a few soldiers. What it turned into was more than I'd even bargained for.

For starters, the soldiers in the place were real assholes. They fired at me even when I was walking out. Apparently, these guys knew I was a threat and they weren't afraid to show it. But then they had the nerve to wrestle me to the ground and decide to interrogate me. Like hell that was gonna work. You're working up against a Gundam pilot here.

So here I am, currently trapped inside a dark, lonely cell, with a guard outside the door. Of course, the door is locked. Isn't that how it always works in movies and what not? Wouldn't want to be so dumb as to leave the door open now, would you? Well, people can be idiots.

A grin crawled up my face as I sat there, my arms shackled to the wall. Nice. And apparently, screaming about your rights in this world won't get you anywhere, because they don't exist. The second you do something that goes against OZ or their ways, even slightly, you're a walking piece of meat disguised as a human until they find you and do the job themselves.

Like my deceased parents. I had to admit, I'm glad they were dead. It would've made the whole child soldier issue thing a thousand times harder than it already is, and for that I was glad. At least they hadn't gagged me-they wanted their prisoner to be conscious for when they interrogated him.

"...Hey, guard, how long until you let me out of here? I ain't done anything wrong now!" I said, going for the conventional approach, pleading innocence. Would it work? Probably not. Was I an idiot for trying? Maybe so. But effort was worth something, wasn't it?

The guard cleared his throat and sighed. "No, we're not letting you out. You're a suspicious individual, so until we receive more orders from Commander Une-"

My heart stopped. Commander Une? THE Commander Une, the same woman who threw a guy out of an airplane and shot him just to make sure he was dead? Oh boy...I was screwed...I don't think she would even show a young kid mercy. Definitely, I had to get out of here. I was lucky they hadn't discovered Deathscythe. Perhaps the cards have landed in my hand after all.

"...Yeah, I've heard horror stories about her. They say she's one scary but kinda cute lady," I said, shifting a little. My arms were killing me and I still couldn't move. Would it kill to have a little humanity? Nope, we're at war here, can't have that.

"...She's a good person. You, on the other hand, are not..." He said, displaying what a wide amount of intelligence he had. Oh yes, follow what the scary psychotic executioner woman tells you to do, that's sure to make you a smart mook!

"...You don't know anythin' about me, my friend," I said darkly, "...You know, I need to use the bathroom, and I definitely ain't goin' in this stall. You wanna help me out?"

With my feet, I kicked at the flash bomb I had on the ground. The second he walked in here, I was going to spray it and blind him while I broke through these shackles. I'd been fussing with them for the past few hours and I thought I'd loosened them enough. Some security they had here.

He came in, "Okay, just let me in and I'll take your shackles off for you. But you'll still be watched. Don't try anythi-"

The next instant, the flash bomb ignited, and I managed to break free with one arm, while he was blinded, I vainly struggled to get ahold of my right arm. Blood dripped down my arm, apparently, it had been injured. That wouldn't be enough to hold me down, though.

I finally managed to break through it and I was out of there at the speed of light, rocketing down the hallway, checking to make sure there were no other guards, my rifle loaded, ready to shoot anyone who came too close. After all, if they were going to do something,they would probably be hiding behind this corner, waiting to ambush me-

Dammit, this is what they wanted me to do all along. There were a group of them waiting for me and I'd fallen for it. Some Gundam boy I was! I cursed under my breath as I waited for them to just shoot me already when all of a sudden half of them were knocked out by another soldier dressed in an identical uniform. The blows weren't fatal, but definitely guaranteed that they would be unconscious for a while.

"...Who are you?" I mumbled under my breath, still pointing my gun at this person, in case they decided to pull any other tricks on me.

The other soldier appeared, and took off their helmet to reveal a head of blond hair. My breath caught in my throat. "You-"

"Hi, Duo!" Quatre chirped. "Professor G contacted me, so he told me I should keep an eye on you and prevent anything from going wrong. You know, like backup! My Gundam is out here! Don't worry, I won't let you die. Still, you did pretty well."

"If ya talk too much, they might know where we are!" I hissed, at which point he laughed.

"Ha ha, you're right! Sorry, Duo, don't wanna get distracted!" Quatre said, "Still, that flash bomb was ingenious. What made you think of it?"

I didn't answer, too busy trying to figure out a way to escape. I gritted my teeth together. Most of the ways out seemed blocked or occupied by soldiers. What was I to do? Think, Alison, think! You're the shinigami now, figure something out!

"...Where's my Gundam?" I asked.

Quatre smiled. "I saw it out there! It's cool! Let's go!"

So we both escaped and climbed into the cockpit of our Gundams.

"Boy, have I missed you, Deathscythe!" I said. I could've sworn I heard Deathscythe make some kind of noise, as though it were greeting me or something. Now I was full of it if I thought I could hear Deathscythe talk...but maybe I wasn't crazy.

"Deathscythe really trusts you a lot, Duo! At least, that's what I'm getting back from it," Quatre said as the two of us took off in our Gundams.

"That was a close one, Quatre," I said between pants. I definitely hadn't been expecting to get captured. However, we wound up in a most unexpected location-Quatre's house? Or rather, one of his houses-considering he was rolling in bucks.

"Well, this is my house, Duo," Quatre said eagerly, looking at me for a reaction.

"Wow, you're rolling in bucks!" I cried.

He blushed. "Yeah, you could say that. The only problem is my father. If he finds out you're a Gundam pilot, Duo, things could go from bad to worse-"

* * *

><p>As soon as we stepped inside, a stern-looking man with gray hair came out, scowling at us. His eyebrow rose as he took me in. Instinctively, I did my best to not stand out.<p>

"Who might this be, Quatre?" He asked, taking me in.

"I-I'm his friend, Duo! Pleasure to make your acquaintance!"

"Father, he's a Gundam pilot, like me! But he's a good person!"

Way to go ahead and screw up the plot, Quatre. But hey, wasn't my presence in it already screwing everything up? I resisted the urge to sigh and instead scratched my head, pretending I hadn't heard that last bit of stupidity.

"Guess the cat's out of the bag now," I said casually. What would this man think of Gundam pilots? Would he hate me for being what I am? I couldn't help being reborn as Duo. I couldn't help that.

"...Come sit down. I'd like to talk to both of you." Was all he said, not another look or response at me. Why did I get the feeling he wasn't very fond of me? It must be because of that little fact: that I piloted a robot. Of all reasons to hate someone, that's a pretty silly one.

"How long have you been doing this for?"

I was prepared. "...Most of my life. I have lived for nothing but battle." The answer came coldly out of my lips. I surprised myself. Had I changed so much?

"Duo," Quatre said, looking at me in concern. Oh why was he so naive and caring? I knew what was going to happen later on...Quatre would lose his father, and then he'd...this loving, caring boy before me was going to blow up entire colonies and nearly kill Trowa.

It was heartbreaking to think about...especially when you actually knew these people personally. What the hell was I supposed to do? This wasn't like one of those books where someone magically solves all your problems for you. Already, everything was going wildly out of control.

"...It's all right, Quatre. I know what I'm doin' might sound strange to you, but it's all for a good cause. We'll bring about peace." I said.

"You're only a boy. Boys like you shouldn't be getting your hands coated in blood. That's an adult's responsibility. War is a tool that's been used over the millennia to justify endless blood-spilling. Someone has to put an end to it..." Quatre's father said harshly, yet it seemed like he approved of me, somehow.

"...Exactly, father, which is why the Gundams are necessary to-"

"You speak out of turn, Quatre! You are still young, you should be learning things and meeting people rather than blowing up things. The same goes for you, Duo. What's your last name?"

"...Maxwell," I finished.

His eyebrows furrowed. "Maxwell? Where have I heard that name before? Ah, yes, there was a church by that name...I knew the priest well...he was a gentle and kind soul...may he rest in peace."

"Maxwell church?" Quatre asked.

"Yes, it used to be there, but it was destroyed when terrorists bombed the building and killed everyone inside. It was a true tragedy. Over 200 people died that day, most of them children." Quatre's father said softly. The way he spoke of it, it was as though he felt for it.

"...Disaster, huh?" I whispered.

"...Hm, are you perhaps a survivor of that disaster?" He said softly. "That must have been hard for a child to witness. But you must not resort to war. It won't do their souls any good."

I glared at him. Who did he think he was, telling me what to do with my life? This was now my goddamned life, dammit. I hadn't wanted to be Duo Maxwell at first, but I'd settled into this new life and I wasn't gonna give up easily. That wasn't in my nature-or Duo's, for that matter. "...So I'm supposed to sit back and let OZ invade everything and kill everyone, smiling, then? That'll do wonders, won't it? War is necessary. It's a terrible thing. But I need t to do it."

"...Such wise words, coming from someone so young. Yes, indeed, you are like Quatre. But young people don't need to see such harsh things-"

"...Harsh things, they may be, but this happens out on the streets every day! I can't just ignore it!" I said sharply, keeping my voice calm in an attempt to hide my growing anger. How could one man be so ignorant?

"...Quatre, dinner will be ready soon," His sister said, poking her head in through the door. As soon as she saw me, she blushed deeply. Apparently, I was going to be quite the charmer with women. How awkward.

"Do you like her, Duo?" Quatre said. His sister's face only turned redder.

"...Hi there! What's up?" I said casually, instantly she turned even more red and ran out of the room.

"...Well, I do not know if you will be a good influence around Quatre or not, but refrain from spreading your heretic ideals to him."

"Father, Duo is my friend! Don't insult him!" Quatre cried out.

"What would your mother think if she could see you saying such words to your own father?"

That was where he crossed the line. Quatre's eyes darkened.

"Like I said before, I'm artificial. I'm nothing but a test tube baby, like all my other sisters, so in your eyes I'm nothing but a doll, is that right?" He snapped before walking out.

I looked with wide eyes at where he had left and then turned to regard his father, who looked stricken.

"...I can't say I understand what having parents feels like...because mine ran off and abandoned me and got themselves killed," I said lightly.

"Cowards like them shouldn't be having kids to begin with. Quatre has a kind heart and a big desire to help others, but I just don't know if he's facing the real world. Please, help him...I cannot reach him anymore..." He pleaded.

I stared at him with wide eyes. "...First, you should try to read up on us Gundam pilots. Not all of us are bad."

And then I wandered out. Another girl turned and caught my eye, blushing.

'This is getting r_eally_ old,' I thought, studying my reflection in the mirror, fingering my braid, 'Damn these bishonen looks. I wonder if Heero's doing the same thing.'

Heero Yuy looked up from his work on his computer in time to see a brunette talking on the TV. Her name was Relena, apparently. He stared at her for a few moments, wondering why he was so interested in her. "Hmph, nothing special about her." He grumbled, before returning to his work.

"Daddy, what would you say if I got a boyfriend?" Relena asked her father, who stopped.

"Well, if they decide to get my precious daughter, they're gonna have to go through me first."

Relena laughed. "Father, stop!"


End file.
